Staying At Home

• Written on 03-22-2007 from my previous blog.

I used to work in call centers before, but after a recent chain of events, I wound up staying at home and managing an internet cafe that my husband and I put up. For someone who's never been used to staying at home for a lengthly period of time (except when I'm sick, on vacation, no school/work etc.), I found it pretty confusing during the first few weeks.

I found myself longing for something to do, something that would require me to use my brain. I also missed dressing up and getting ready to go somewhere. I missed holding a pen and writing things in a notepad. After several months, I also found myself feeling strangely awkward inside public transport vehicles. Roads also seemed oddly bigger, and I was beginning to feel that I was living in an isolated cave. What I also missed the most was the regular trip to the bank's atm every 15th and 30th of each month.

Every time I think of these things, I also remember what I gained in return. For the first time, I actually controlled the time I had in my hands. I could sleep and wake up as late as I wanted to, since my mom in law also helps out in watching the shop, without any fear of being late the following day. I could leave whenever I wanted and needed to, and not be in such a rush to return. I was also able to visit my parents more frequently and take my kid to the mall. The best part of staying at home is that I get to spend an entire day with Keisha. We can play together, eat together, bathe at the same time, take naps at the same time, almost everything we can do together. I missed that the most when I was still working. Although I knew I was working hard for her, at the back of my mind I couldn't shake that nagging thought that I wasn't giving her enough time while I was at work. I'd get home in the afternoon, help a little at home, then fall dead asleep - that was my routine. Although day off's were meant for her, I still felt I was a bad parent. Now, i can and am making amends. I'm happy that I can literally watch her grow.

I guess I was wrong. Staying at home isn't so bad after all.