It's just a few days before the 25th, which marks the third month my dad passed away. Everything, up to now, still seems so unreal to me. Whenever I'm not doing anything, or whenever I see butterflies, a gumamela flower, or suddenly remember something about my dad, I just can't help but feel sad. I know this is a natural reaction, but everything that happened still has not sunk into me yet.

I feel sad whenever I log into my Facebook account and look at the chat window. I often see my dad's name there, but when I think about how he won't ever go online anymore and I can't chat with him anymore I feel really, really sad. I know when I call my parent's house he won't pick up the phone anymore. Most importantly, I won't ever see him again. I feel like my stomach doing cartwheels whenever I think about it.

I get a lot of comments for some of my posts - some are useful, and some are just downright senseless. One of the things I would like to point out is that I do not take anonymous comments seriously, and often delete them as I see fit. For instance, a negative reaction on the Enteng Kabisote movie I immediately deleted. Why? Well, aside from the fact that it was anonymous, it was also useless.

If you want to be taken seriously, why not register for an account or at least use your real name instead of hiding under "Anonymous?" If you also really feel strongly towards anything written or featured on this blog, then attach your name to it. Otherwise, it will be treated in the same way as the tons of spam comments this blog gets - straight into the trash.

I hope everyone had a great time spending New Year's Eve. I prepared and cooked a lot of food, but when I was watching the fireworks with my kids and Henry, I couldn't help but cry. I really, really miss my dad. :(

When I was younger, my dad was in charge of the fireworks, being the only man in our house and in my aunt's whom we shared the same compound with (one lot with two different houses on it). He'd light up fountains, 'trumpillios,' and when we were kids we'd light up 'lusis' (not even sure how to spell it, lol). We'd be screaming and shouting as the clock striked 12, as old people said you'd grow tall if you jumped, lol. I'm proof this tradition is so not true.

Well, things will be different now whether I like it or not, and there's nothing I can do about it. I called my mom and my sister after the fireworks were over so we could hear each other over the phone, and all I could say was New Year, since we all were lonely. 

I made this cake out of Nestle cream, condensed milk, butter, and graham cookies with pieces of fruit on top as garnish. This isn't my first time to make this cake - I've made it twice before and all turned out disastrous. If there's anything good during New Year, it was this cake as I finally made the darn thing right.

We just got home from watching Enteng ng Ina Mo at The Cabanas here in Malolos. It was a very funny movie, and almost all of us in the cinema was laughing. It was a good movie, it made me laugh for a while. But now that I'm back home and mulling over things, I can't help but feel sad again.

I sincerely wish everyone a very merry Christmas, although I know mine will not be merry, nor will the next years. We spent today in the cemetery with my kids, my mom, my sister, and Henry. I was surprised that there were also a lot of other people in the cemetery, not just us. So I guess we weren't alone in being lonely this holiday season.