Sunday, December 4, 2011

I Miss My Dad

I really miss my dad.

Part of me is hoping this is all just a bad dream I will wake up from, but I know it's not, and I have to deal with the loneliness. It's hardest for my mom, so I'm trying to do everything I can to keep her occupied, and also to check on her every now and then.

My dad loved all of us despite our shortcomings. He had the patience to move mountains, was rarely angry, and made a lot of practical jokes on us and his officemates. During the wake, floods of people came. I hope somewhere out there, my dad is watching and he can see how he was loved by a ton of people. As his officemates said, he was a great boss.

I just wish he had told us about how he felt. He shouldn't have kept his health issues to himself - he worked in a hospital for crying out loud, and he can get medical treatment anytime. But my father was the type of person who didn't want to be a burden to anyone. He probably didn't want my mother to worry, so he just kept everything to himself. It breaks my heart to think about how he must have felt, and his choice to not share these feelings with anyone.

Every picture I took during the wake and the funeral cemented each event into my heart. It was like a slap, since I knew I wasn't waking up from this nightmare anymore. I just wish he was still around.

I knew he was going to retire early, and live here in the province with me, and take my mom and my eldest sister. His plans of having a house built in the piece of land he inherited from his family, live quietly, maybe take morning walks and take care of animals. I was very excited, since he could come with me to watch the kids whenever they had any school programs, come with us whenever we drove the kids to and from the school, teach my youngest how to write properly (he has the best handwriting ever), go to cockfights with us, and a ton of other things we could do together. But sadly, everything ended on November 25, 2011 when he had a heart attack. He will be forever missed.


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