2012 Monday, January 02, 2012

I hope everyone had a great time spending New Year's Eve. I prepared and cooked a lot of food, but when I was watching the fireworks with my kids and Henry, I couldn't help but cry. I really, really miss my dad. :(

When I was younger, my dad was in charge of the fireworks, being the only man in our house and in my aunt's whom we shared the same compound with (one lot with two different houses on it). He'd light up fountains, 'trumpillios,' and when we were kids we'd light up 'lusis' (not even sure how to spell it, lol). We'd be screaming and shouting as the clock striked 12, as old people said you'd grow tall if you jumped, lol. I'm proof this tradition is so not true.

Well, things will be different now whether I like it or not, and there's nothing I can do about it. I called my mom and my sister after the fireworks were over so we could hear each other over the phone, and all I could say was New Year, since we all were lonely. 

I made this cake out of Nestle cream, condensed milk, butter, and graham cookies with pieces of fruit on top as garnish. This isn't my first time to make this cake - I've made it twice before and all turned out disastrous. If there's anything good during New Year, it was this cake as I finally made the darn thing right.

Enteng ng Ina Mo Tuesday, December 27, 2011

We just got home from watching Enteng ng Ina Mo at The Cabanas here in Malolos. It was a very funny movie, and almost all of us in the cinema was laughing. It was a good movie, it made me laugh for a while. But now that I'm back home and mulling over things, I can't help but feel sad again.

Merry Christmas! Sunday, December 25, 2011

I sincerely wish everyone a very merry Christmas, although I know mine will not be merry, nor will the next years. We spent today in the cemetery with my kids, my mom, my sister, and Henry. I was surprised that there were also a lot of other people in the cemetery, not just us. So I guess we weren't alone in being lonely this holiday season.

So This Is What Lonely Feels Like Saturday, December 17, 2011

Since the 25th, I haven't been in the mood to do anything. I just wake up and do whatever it is that needs to be done for the day and that's it. I've just been feeling so depressed and sad about Papa that whenever I remember, I can't help but go into another round of crying.

The other day, I snapped at Henry. I knew he was just joking, but I wasn't in the mood. I felt even more bad afterwards, as I know he was just trying to cheer me up, but it wasn't just working. Ugh, when I remember how I walked out of the room and raised my voice at Henry, it makes my stomach do flips.

I didn't bother putting up a single Christmas decoration in the house either, except for one Mama gave. I'm just not in the mood to do anything. :( It's a very sad feeling, and I'm sorry for being such a bummer for my kids. Today's their Christmas party and I didn't attend. Henry's there anyway, and Keisha doesn't need company, only Nicole does. I feel really sorry for them, but I also feel sorry for myself. Eventually I know we - my mom, my sister, and I - will get over this. We will be sad still, but not gloomy anymore.