Friday, August 31, 2007

What To Do

For people who have been reading my blog, I assume you all know that I just gave birth two months ago to my second daughter, Simone. My problem is this - how can I make my eldest daughter Keisha (turning four on October) feel and understand that she is not being left out nor neglected but merely that her baby sister needs more attention now than she does?

I have been spending a lot of time with her, i.e. watching her favorite cartoons, holding her tight while she sleeps and making sure that I am the first person she sees when she wakes up, playing all the games she can think of, and even take baths with her. But the thing is, when Simone wakes up, whatever we were doing has to end abruptly and my attention is now diverted away from her. She hates this pretty badly and she even told me once, "I hope Simone doesn't wake up."

*Sigh.* I wish I could split my body in two so I can attend to both of them at the same time. Anyone have good parenting tips to share with me?

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Songs I Listen To

These are some of the songs I listen to. I'm still completing the playlist, though. I'll try to upload some of the songs myself if I can't find them on Imeem.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

On Losing a Friend

I can't believe it's been a year since my Team Leader GP passed away. I still remember the night when I got the sms that turned our world at work around. I was half asleep in the middle of the night when my mother in law woke me up, holding my cellphone in her hand. As usual, she was playing games on the cell when the sms was sent, and she accidentally opened it. I still remember what she said like it was yesterday, "Hey, you got a text message. It's from Tye." Lazily, I asked what it was about, reluctant to get out of bed. "Read it for yourself." Noticing the expression on her face, I stood up, took the phone from her hand, and read the few words that meant so much. "GP passed away..." I sent an sms back to my officemate Tye, "Hahaha, nice try. Go get some sleep." Then the phone rang. A sobbing voice was barely audible. "It's true. I wouldn't joke about something as serious as this." Tears streamed down my face and I began to sob as well.

My teammates and I went to the wake, attended the funeral, and went back to work the following Monday. Everything seemed surreal. As if everything was just a bad dream which everyone was dying to wake up from. We pretended to be alright even though we weren't, but everyone knew we were all just putting up faces. Whenever I remember him, there's a certain loneliness I still can't shake off even up to now. Our Team Leader was more than a mentor, he was a friend, a great friend at that. He had high hopes for our team, pushed us to do better everyday, and never forgot to show us how to have fun at work. Some of us are guilty for letting his hopes down, some are happy that his dreams for us have been fulfilled. But one thing's for certain, GP is, and will always be, someone who will be terribly missed not just by my officemates, but his family as well.

For some people, work keeps friends together, but for us, it was the other way around.

GP is at the rightmost side, wearing a long-sleeved black shirt and a tie.

I've Forgotten How To Sleep

  • written on 08-17-2007 from my previous blog.

Never thought I'd actually say this, but my mom was right on almost every occasion. When I gave birth to Keisha, the words she always said that I almost often ignored all materialized to be real, especially the part that she said when she had my eldest sister Elena, she forgot how to sleep. And guess what - she was right.

Having two kids of my own, I've proven most of her words true, especially that one about sleep. I'm amazed sometimes by how keen my sense of hearing has gotten. Before when I was younger, I used to sleep like a dead cow. Now, even the slightest moan of any of my daughters wakes me up, no matter how tired I may be.

And there's one more phrase that my mom always says - "When you have kids of your own, you'll understand." She was right.

And We Named Her Simone

  • written on 08-17-2007 from my previous blog.
Simone, our new baby, is getting pretty big pretty fast. I guess being breastfed does help a lot, plus the fact that her dad is pretty tall. I'm just glad that her older sister Keisha is almost over the "I'm jealous of the new baby" stage. I can even trust her to watch her kid sister for me while I make coffee, pee, or eat. She's also pretty reliable when it comes to running errands for simone.

Whenever I look at Simone, I sometimes wonder how our hearts make space to love when you're already full of love for someone else. Believe it or not, I honestly always thought I didn't need another kid, since I'm content with Keisha. Just looking at her makes me unbelievably happy. Never thought I could be happier having Simone around.

It's A Girl!

  • written on 07-15-2007 from my previous blog.
It's a girl, I gave birth last June 28 via cesarian section...Thanks for everybody's support and outpouring concern. I'll try to post pictures soon, but just to give you guys an idea, she looks just like her dad.

Why Am I Nervous???

  • written on 06-26-2007 from my previous blog.

I'm honestly unsure as to why I'm nervous about my upcoming cesarean this Thursday. I've literally been there, done it, and doing it again this Thursday, so why the goosebumps?

I remember when I gave birth to Keisha. It was the afternoon of October 28, 2003 and I had induced labor until the wee hours of the morning, and finally had my cesarean section noon of the following day. I was honestly relieved when they announced that I'll have a cs instead, since I was already beyond pissed off at the interns who kept screwing my dextrose, taking my blood pressure on the same sore arm with the screwed up dextrose, and those damn IE's. I was also too tired from pushing and pushing, and those induced contractions also didn't help at all to change my temper.

So now, when we had our second child, I expected that I'll have another cs, which I was quite right on. But what bothers me is the fact that I'm actually "bothered." I'm not bothered in a bad way, since I completely trust my doctor (who happens to be a family friend, aside from being the head of the ob-gyn department, and is the same doctor who did my first cs) but I feel excited/nervous/tense. Like the first day of school, just that it's a new school, not the one you used to go to.

*sigh* I'm sure these jitters will go away soon, and I hope I calm down soon enough. I wouldn't want a high blood pressure before the operation.

June 28, 2007

  • written on 06-22-2007 from my previous blog.

Henry, Keisha and I went to the doctor earlier today, and little did we know we were to have a surprise. The doctor announced that by June 28, I'll be 38 weeks, and ready for my cs delivery. Henry and I just stared at each other and said, "That's 6 days away!"

Too bad for Keisha though, her plan of having her sibling's birthday on July 07 (which we all liked, since her sibling's birthday if written numerically would be 07-07-07) will not materialize. The funny part was, she tried really hard to negotiate with Dr. Abalos (the same doctor who helped me give birth to her) to have the operation on July 07 instead. But, well, no matter how hard she pleaded, there was nothing she could do.

The doctor advised us to have the operation on that date mainly because I will be 38 weeks around that date. And second, my kid is already too large for it's gestation age. It would be a little risky to let him/her grow too much inside my belly, since that would pose several complications.

I'm fine with having the operation this June 28, although I still have one problem, though. What to name my kid.

Oh yeah, don't tell Henry I haven't thought of a name yet. I forced him into agreeing that I would name our second kid and he wouldn't meddle, since i let him name Keisha. So it's just 6 days away, and I don't have a name yet. Heck, I don't even know if I'll have a boy or a girl!!!

And Yes, We're All Better

  • written on 06-19-2007 from my previous blog.

Yipee! I'm back to playing Ran Online on an on-off basis, depending on whether we have an available PC at home. I'm a lot better from our sore eyes episode. Henry's eyes aren't back to completely normal yet - he still has one blotchy red eye, incidentally, the first eye that was infected with sore eyes.

I know he'll be better in the coming days, but I just wish it would be sooner. I can't help but be reminded of stale fish whenever I look at his eyes...hehehe... :-)

Sore Eyes

  • written on 06-16-2007 from my previous blog.

All four of us in my family - my mom-in-law, my husband, and my daughter, and me all have sore eyes. Henry has a fever of up to 39 degrees along with the blood red eyes, my daughter's fever ran up to as high as 38.4 degrees. Hopefully in the coming days we'll all be better.

For now, I'm stuck to Visine, cold water, ice cubes, and a break from staring at the PC's monitor until I'm better.

Lucky Me

  • written on 05-21-2007 from my previous blog.

I just had a sudden realization. I am lucky to have Henry as my husband. Why? For a lot of things. One is that he never does anything that would embarrass me, and he never does anything without either asking me, or thinking about how it would affect me.

Second, he takes really good care of our eldest, Keisha. He's actually the one our daughter obeys. Her grandma and I are just punching bags to her, made to follow her every whim. I know he's also very excited since we'll be giving birth to our second child. It's very different for him this time, since he's with me to witness the whole 9 months before our kid arrives, unlike with Keisha.

Last and most important of all, he puts me above everything else.

I don't know what's gotten into me tonight, but I just feel really, really lucky.

Ming Ming

  • written on 05-02-2007 from my previous blog.

Around last week I got bit by a stray cat that stays a lot at our house at the back of my right foot. I accidentally stepped on her while I was reaching for sugar to make my first cup of coffee. I was shocked by how loud she cried when I stepped on her, and I even apologized to the cat, whom my husband and I have named Ming Ming. And so I proceeded with drinking the cup of coffee I've made, and then I went to the bathroom. That was when I realized a stinging sensation at the back of my right foot when water hit it. That was when I saw two marks with blood gushing out of it. I didn't panic, since first of all, I'm not afraid of blood and second, they didn't look like teeth marks at all. I thought maybe one of her paws had inflicted the wound. I proceeded with washing the wound with soap, and then I went upstairs to watch TV.

Henry came home early that day since he wasn't feeling well since the day before. I told him about the incident, and he took a look at my foot. That was when I realized that what was on my foot were indeed bite marks. On the other side of my foot (which I didn't bother to look at) were two other puncture marks - making all the marks on my foot a total of four. That was when I started to cry. What worried me the most was the fact that I was pregnant, and that the rabies and/or the anti-rabies might affect the child I was carrying.

I called my dad and he asked me to go to the hospital the following day. My first injection went on smoothly, and we were also advised to keep a good eye on the cat. We actually started feeding Ming Ming so she'd keep coming back to our house, and she's been staying around ever since. Today was my third injection of the anti rabies and the good news is, Ming Ming's attitude hasn't changed at all. In fact, she's even sweeter and nicer now than before. So at least I'm clear of rabies.

Since Ming Ming's around most of the time now, I have to look first before I put my foot down.


  • written on 04-04-2007 from my previous blog.
My husband likes watching TV for two reasons - one, to catch up on the news, and two, TV makes him fall asleep. Which is why I was so surprised when I started to watch House (I borrowed the complete season 1 and 2 DVD from my eldest sister Elena, I couldn't wait for it to be shown on AXN, especially since Jumong changed my viewing habits), he actually watched it with me and didn't fall asleep. Imagine my surprise when I turned around - expecting him to either be snoring or drooling - I found myself looking into wide awake eyes and he even asked me, "Are you going to turn it off? I'm still watching."

I guess House had stirred some forgotten aspiration from my husband when he wanted to be a doctor. I remember one story he told me when his pet died and he tried doing CPR and cried his lungs out when his pet didn't revive. I've tried getting him hooked on to Alias and CSI, but both shows only put him to sleep. I don't know if it's House's sarcasm that keeps him awake long enough to watch 2 episodes or just all the blood and intestines you see when watching the show. In any case, I'm just glad he found a show aside from the news that he actually 'enjoys' watching.

The only problem I have now is that AXN is still showing season 3, and he's already scouring every DVD store he passes for season 4 . Either he'll be content watching reruns, or he'll succumb to withdrawal symptoms. ^_^.

On Almost a Decade's Love Affair

written on 03-23-2007 from my previous blog.

My husband and I met during the last quarter of 1999, and we started going out in 2000. We've been together ever since. I just love this picture of us, just sad I can't rembemer the exact date it was taken. All I remember is that this is one of our friend's kid's birthday party. Looking at this photo never fails to put a smile to my face. We seemed so naive back then, not to mention the fact that we looked undeniably younger.

As I look back on everything that's happened in our relationship before we got to where we are now, I'm grateful for everything that transpired, regardless of whether they were happy moments or otherwise. All those moments made us who we are now, and I just love it. His hair may be thinner and me heavier due to childbirth (and yes, the occasional pigging out every now and then), but our love and respect for each other has grown much deeper and stronger.

I'm proud to say we are more mature and responsible in every aspect of our relationship with each other. It's almost as if we grew up together. We're the best of friends and rivals in online games. He's the only person I want around whenever I'm sick or upset. He's the only one who withstands my whims and has the patience of a mountain regardless of how many tantrums and made-up tantrums I throw at him. I'm glad he's the dad of Keisha and our soon to be second kid. I couldn't have wished for a better partner in rearing our kids.

After almost a decade's love affair with my best friend, my lover, my boyfriend, my soulmate and my husband, I love where I am now and I eagerly look forward to our lifetime together.

Relaxing to Rock Music

  • written on 03-22-2007 from my previous blog.

My husband thinks it's weird that whenever I feel sad, lonely or tired - or anything other than fine - I turn up our stereo and listen to rock music. Sometimes I end up falling asleep, which he finds even stranger. He thinks it's virtually impossible to find sleep amidst clashing drums and screeching guitar strings.

I myself don't know why Ed Kowalczyk and Billy Corgan's voice soothes me, and often even rocks me to sleep.

Staying At Home

  • Written on 03-22-2007 from my previous blog.
I used to work in call centers before, but after a recent chain of events, I wound up staying at home and managing an internet cafe that my husband and I put up. For someone who's never been used to staying at home for a lengthly period of time (except when I'm sick, on vacation, no school/work etc.), I found it pretty confusing during the first few weeks.

I found myself longing for something to do, something that would require me to use my brain. I also missed dressing up and getting ready to go somewhere. I missed holding a pen and writing things in a notepad. After several months, I also found myself feeling strangely awkward inside public transport vehicles. Roads also seemed oddly bigger, and I was beginning to feel that I was living in an isolated cave. What I also missed the most was the regular trip to the bank's atm every 15th and 30th of each month.

Every time I think of these things, I also remember what I gained in return. For the first time, I actually controlled the time I had in my hands. I could sleep and wake up as late as I wanted to, since my mom in law also helps out in watching the shop, without any fear of being late the following day. I could leave whenever I wanted and needed to, and not be in such a rush to return. I was also able to visit my parents more frequently and take my kid to the mall. The best part of staying at home is that I get to spend an entire day with Keisha. We can play together, eat together, bathe at the same time, take naps at the same time, almost everything we can do together. I missed that the most when I was still working. Although I knew I was working hard for her, at the back of my mind I couldn't shake that nagging thought that I wasn't giving her enough time while I was at work. I'd get home in the afternoon, help a little at home, then fall dead asleep - that was my routine. Although day off's were meant for her, I still felt I was a bad parent. Now, i can and am making amends. I'm happy that I can literally watch her grow.

I guess I was wrong. Staying at home isn't so bad after all.


  • Written on 03-22-2007 transferred from my previous blog.
I was watching my kid sleep one afternoon, and I realized one roll of a 36 shot film was not enough to capture all of the funny and sometimes crazy things she does. She's just a bundle of energy that's always on the go. She's very enthusiastic about almost everything, and sometimes I feel she thinks nap times are a drag since she really can't do much but sleep.

I love the way she just tap's people's shoulders, says hi, and asks if they already know her. Mostly, people who play at our cafe already do, so she just sits back and returns to whatever she was doing (most of the time, she's on one of the pc's herself-imagine a 3 year old kid playing GTA or navigating sesame street's website while holding a bottle of milk).

And here I am again, watching her sleep through the night, thinking of what my kid could possibly do tomorrow that she hasn't done yet.

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